I ordered some shit off Amazon—one day shipping—on Friday. Of course it didn't fucking ship on Sunday, but I can forgive that because Sunday is fucking holy and God is a dick, but that's okay, God. I can forgive you for your wrongful sins. The problem is that when Monday came, Fedex's website told me that a delivery had been attempted.
My mother was home and, while not conscious, would have woken up had someone, say, knocked or, I don't know, rang the doorbell, but as it turned out that didn't happen. You know what's even better? The guy didn't even leave a fucking note.
Fedex is supposed to leave a note.
So we call customer service because we paid for one day shipping, bitch, suck my dick, and you know what the lady asks?
"Are there dogs?"
FUCKING PUSSY! ARE THERE DOGS? YES, THERE ARE FUCKING DOGS ACROSS THE STREET, YOU COCK-SUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! I DIDN'T PAY FOR TWO DAY SHIPPING, AND NO, THIS TWAT PIECE OF SHIT POSTMAN ISN'T ALLOWED TO GET AWAY WITH IT BECAUSE HE'LL PISS HIS PANTS ON ACCOUNT OF THERE BEING DOGS ACROSS THE MOTHERFUCKING STREET!
Pussy! Good-for-nothing pussy! Fuck! I WANT MY SHIT! FUCK YOU!
Fuck Fedex. Fedex can suck UPS' dick.
